I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Published on July 8, 2010 in Book Love. 2 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , .

The Little Engine that Could

I really am lucky with rare book finds! I found this book along with A.L.I.E.E.E.N. I’ve been hearing this book a lot until I’ve found it in Booksale. Sometimes there are good books there, sometimes there’s none. Upon seeing this book, I knew my son will definitely love to be read about trains. My little guy is just nuts about trains of all size and shape.

When I flipped through the pages, I saw a dedication just behind the first page:

acc

Wherever you are Nisa, we’re so happy that the book got here in our shores. Now my son is also enjoying the book you used to love.  I find it rather curious to acquire a book and see dedications and scribbles from someone who used to own it.

cuteyMy son Adley with his book, “The Little Engine that Could”

Other Stuff

I finally feel a sense of accomplishment though I haven’t really finished my tasks for the week. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally come to terms with myself and what I can achieve. Let’s just say, I am now breaking down tasks and or aptly called batching rather than multi-tasking. (Thanks Fristine!)

I guess I have nothing much to share except I’m slowly getting up and kicking with things art and graphics related. I love it! The lesson I recently learned is to be kind to myself, to forgive myself,  make room for mistakes AND learn. I can finally say I can deal with my inner critic calmly knowing that she doesn’t control me anymore.

Closing this entry, my mantra for the week is: “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” :) Thanks to my boys for a nightly dose of “The Little Engine that Could”.

Yay!

Published on July 3, 2010 in Book Love. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

ALIEEEN-cover

I seem to be lucky with finding rare kinds of books, comics and graphic novels. A.L.I.E.E.E.N. is but another one that I regard as my library of rare finds at a reasonable price. I still don’t know what to expect, but I’m in for a little surprise.

Thank you Booksale!

De-stress: Doodle.

Published on June 28, 2010 in Creative Every Day Challenge. 8 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

This is Where we Live by Me.

I have no qualms about going to and fro our tiny city. Sometimes, you have to be grateful of how things work in its own way. Tomorrow, is yet another day to try our best to wake up earlier than the usual. Yet, another trip to DFA for the 3rd time in a row.  For people with hypertension and high blood pressure, it is recommended that you go with a companion upon this short trip.  The agonizing wait without any assurance of your slot is surely a test of faith and sense of humor.

Can you really handle all these things with a sense of humor? I did, by doodling.

Everyone who has a passport and have gotten out of the country knows what it’s like to wait in a loopy line of some sort. You have no number in hand, you simply rely on your patience and positive thinking. At least we have it better than other countries right?

drunkjobi-near-dfa

My feelings describe excitely how this doodle went out. Stressed much?  PS. I apologize for Jobi’s distorted doodle. I guess with where he is right now, he’s up 24 hours and partying with the rest in the street of Legarda. Hahaha!

I don’t want to complain anymore. But let me tell you this. Here are the things you CAN expect before you go to DFA:

1. People secure their slot by going there the earliest possible they can. Note: 8:00 pm (those who really, really, really need to have their passport soon) and as early as 4:00 am. Unbelievable.

2. DFA will only entertain people on a first come, first serve basis and yet, they will not provide you a number to secure your place. So that falls into expectation #1. Go there in the wee hours of the morning.

3. They will only allow 25 people to apply in the morning and 25 people in the afternoon. I have no idea how you guys work, but surely, if these are all only application form from these 50 people—wouldn’t it make sense if you take in more?

4. After the application process, you have to wait for 25 days or 30 days(?) for the biometrics schedule. Of course, you should be on the date where you are requested to come back for that. That’s a yay! But 1,2 and 3 is so meh.

So, it will be good morning to us, tomorrow. Wake up at 4:00 am. Be there at 5:00. *faints*

To DFA, please provide NUMBERS to those who are in line for the passport application/renewal. Don’t we all deserve to get one since we’ve been there before the sun even winked at everyone this morning? Surely, it’s not much of an effort to cut used cardboard and use markers for numbers 1-100. This is the first time and the last time I will complain how the Philippine government agencies suck in service.

That’s all. I don’t want to waste my time and energy on this.

Thank you.

Hey, I need an Ice Cream for this. Wee!

Update:

I did have an ice cream this morning, after going out of DFA! Hurray! - June 29, 2010

Making fun things out of chores.

Published on June 24, 2010 in Creative Every Day Challenge. 2 Comments Tags: , , .

I’ve forgotten how fun it is to doodle. I apologize for the short entry! I still need to finish some projects due. :P

shopping-list

Thanks to Fristine for the Green Goddess Dip recipe. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to actually draw my shopping list—and I have to make sure I don’t miss out anything, even the sketches! Yum! Next time, it would be dancing cookies or oranges. Um, annoying orange anyone? Don’t worry, my imaginary friends are not as annoying as that orange guy!

Oh, and I paid a visit at the local post office. I was really curious how much a *P.O. Box is and to what purpose it serves to those who pays for it. Well, here’s an idea how much it is in case you get one for yourself or if you have a fan club and you want to protect your residential address. Getting a P.O. Box might do the trick.

POBox

*It may cost differently in your municipality. In case you are in dire need of a box, check out my sketch. And oh, there is another set of requirement for the Postal ID (rolls eyes) sorry, my cam battery’s low, I wasn’t able to photograph it. Oh well.

Update: Page 2 of the P.O. Box requirement. (If you have a huge fan club and creepy stalkers. *cough* *cough* Get a P.O. Box for your own safety. :P

pobox2

Smile!

Published on June 9, 2010 in Creative Every Day Challenge and the happy book. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Maybe I’m just too lazy to write anything? Hmmm…let me see. I am feeling a bit better now although there are occasional stomach cramps here and there. The rest would be just TMI (too much information), I will spare you from the gory details.

I’ve spent most of my afternoons dozing off. The meds are pretty strong. As much as I wanted to haul my ass to do something, I managed to doodle something in my little notebook:

Adley

Poor Adley, I haven’t given him much attention lately. The guilt is killing me when I become too busy with some stuff. Now I understand what my parents have felt before. Adley is a little ball of fire: sweet, talkative and very very curious of what is around him.

I watched him sleep serenely this afternoon.  It made my heart melt.

Whenever I get furious over things, my son would go up to me and say, “embrace”. Though I’m not sure if he really knows what it means but I am sure he meant that gesture.

My son is one of my source of happiness.  I promise to be a good mom and I assure you I won’t spoil you rotten!  :P

———————-

I’ll be taking a break from Conversations with my Drink Wednesday (for this week). I am still not that well to drink any beverages. I am only allowed to drink water. :(

Spring comes forth in my heart

Published on June 6, 2010 in Creative Every Day Challenge, inspire me and projecthappiness. 3 Comments

spring

(my) Peppermint, taken at the Garden

I feel a little weird today, it’s like eating bad tacos literally but anyway it doesn’t much affect how I’m feeling exactly at the moment. The rain has finally come here to touch our land. The dry spell is over—perhaps it is.

I woke up very early this morning. Pitter, patter, pitter, patter. The sound of the rain makes me want to go to bed again and curl up in bed. Sunday is supposed to be lazy and boring.

Boring. I love boring actually. The concept of being bored to me is sleeping in peace. I love being bored because it’s a way for me to silence my mind at times. When I’m bored, that’s when I tell myself to give up anything that is bothering me for that moment and stay still.  In other words, I let myself become bored and not actually complain about it.

I made peace with boredom now.

June is like Spring to us here. You can see the rich color of green everywhere, the scent of wet earth and herbs all around the garden makes me feel alive even more. Rain cleanses the earth and the air.

I remember, back in College – I cried a huge deal and I walked in the rain. (Sounds like a perfect material for a soap or movie, eh?) But I did it anyway.

At that very moment, I believe that the earth is crying with me. We are one with my sorrow.

After the rain, bliss appears.  Abundance springs forth in the color of green. The shades of summer is gone, the air is cool once again.

Bliss will only exist if you open yourself to love, if you allow love to take its course in your heart and accept what you have become and what you are about to become.  The mystery of loneliness and bliss plays around my mind. These will always be around us.

Loneliness for me is when you choose to hold to a memory or to a concept of something. We have ideals. We get sad when we don’t meet this things, when we don’t accomplish these tasks we have at hand. For a long time, I have been lonely. I learned the art of emptying myself from things that makes me hold on to the past: my journals (which I burned while in tears), my old things (which my mom joyfully threw at the trash bin) and even old relationships that no longer works.

We hold onto things and people so much. (I don’t mean that we take our loved ones for granted, that is never the case.)

Yesterday, I received an SMS from Fristine. I say how apt. Thought it would be nice to share it with you:

“Why do our parents first teach us how to CLOSE and OPEN our HANDS?
For us to LEARN how to,  HOLD ON and LET GO.”

When you lose everything, would there be a chance for you to be happy again? What then is bliss? What then is loneliness?

We always have a choice:  loneliness or bliss.   I choose the latter. I find bliss from my empty cup.

I see life as a glass globe.  Glass because it is very fragile, it cracks easily and it cracks more when you shake it further. It breaks in shards when your body is gone.  When the glass is spotless it means you live life with so much fear, you’re scared of putting yourself on the edge, you only show a few of your cards and hurt others. Perfect as it may seem, you cannot breathe inside your glass.

As for me? My glass globe already has cracks on the side. That is my life, it’s not perfect and it never will be.  There’s even a hole on the other side, I can never patch it up or put it back in its place. I’m not scared. This hole allows me to breathe and see things in a different perspective. This hole allows me to come back and forth from reality and from infinite bliss.

I don’t mind that someday, this glass globe will liberate me from everything.

While I am here, I will go back to my center.

Spring comes forth in my heart.

I hope you find bliss in your empty cup too.

On Wishcasting and Art

Published on June 3, 2010 in 2010, Creative Every Day Challenge, a quest and inspire me. 4 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .

A Collage

Creative Everyday

Although the theme of Creative Everyday for the month is bliss, we’re still allowed to try some other sort of things too that will fire up our creativity juices in a non-stressful way. I am happy to say that I am going to commit myself to creativity and spiritual growth.

I’m taking it slow when it comes to creating something out of my intuition. It’s more of calming my inner critic first, taking a deep breath and I actually tell myself to forget the rules I’ve learned from Art School.  You see, for a long long time—I’ve stopped doodling or drawing anything for the manner. I have no idea what happened. I used to love making art so much. I sleep, eat and breathe art since 3 years old!

I nudged my creativity gently. I asked my inner guide a lot of questions and I even wrote a letter to him.  I set aside unrealistic expectations and let things run through its course.  Then all of a sudden, I picked up a card from Keri Smith’s Artist Survival Kit.  (I love, love Wreck this Journal btw. I’m still waiting for the book to arrive on my doorstep.) It says “Read a page in the closest Book.” And I did.  If you could see my face when my jaw dropped from what seems a revelation to some of my questions. I still consider it as a tip of the iceberg. My adventure has only just begun. Who would have thought that the collage and the excerpt from the book I was reading all relates to one another. May I add a dream I had several months ago?

Untitled, June 3, 2010 by Me.

The collage deals with a rather very sensitive topic. How I came up with it? I have no idea. My hand moved so fast as I was making this collage. Everything I put there wasn’t chosen by purpose.  I made sure my inner critic stays still and watch nearby. I wouldn’t want her to disturb me either as I go about this process. I’d like to explain more about this work but I am still trying to find answers myself.  My journey with creativity has only just begun. Thank you, Leah for starting Creative Everyday Challenge.

Wishcasting Wednesday: (I still like to think it’s Wednesday, I’m a day late!)

What do you Wish to Know?

Know This is a tough question. But I would love to answer this. As a child, I have this obsession to know who I really am, who I was and what is my purpose in life. Although I enjoy being spontaneous as a child, I was bombarded with feelings of emptiness and endless search of something.

And so it begins. I am ready to know who I am and who I was.

I cast my wish to the universe.

Lemon Grass Blots

Published on June 3, 2010 in Conversation with my Drink-Wednesday. 3 Comments Tags: .

Lemon Grass tea is just divine! I took a snaphot of what I came up with when the paper is still wet.  This entry is somewhat late, I know. Yesterday, I couldn’t put anything in journal or let alone make myself write any decent entry. I decided yesterday would be dedicated for the things that I need to accomplish. I have a lot of things have been bothering me lately.  And I asked.  They said, when you are receptive enough to all the magic around you—all the lessons that you never seem to notice around you now makes more sense to you.

I believe I was being led to it in a series of puzzles-which I don’t mind. Eventually, I will be able to discern them all.

Ahhh…anyway, what did you have yesterday or today? I suppose being a little late for Conversations with my Drink-Wednesday is okay.

Seeing things in 360°

Published on June 1, 2010 in inspire me. 1 Comment Tags: .

Do you see things in a 360° perspective? When you do, it will amaze you that you are not always right after all. In fact, you are so wrong in many ways! I wish people will see that too. What a nice planet would be if people finally accept their mistakes and take responsibility with it. No ifs, no buts.

As I watch my life unfold everyday, I can see the subtleties in changes. It could be that I am changing or some of the people around me does—who knows? I’m in for a ride, I signed up for this life. My soul decided to learn things on earth. I’m a few years shy away from 30 but I feel remarkably ancient. Hahaha! Do you sometimes feel that?

It’s hard to elaborate on the part about seeing things in 360°. Let’s just say, it’s like a wave of epiphany or enlightenment. All of the sudden, you can see everyone’s weaknesses and strengths all at once- including yours. Your jaw drops from that realization and you cower from shame. We often judge one another yet we fail to realize where we’re coming from. What would it be like when we are that person? We have no idea. You know that I don’t. In other words, my only job right now is to love and accept regardless of who that person is.

My relationship with my husband is not perfect especially with myself. I can see this now. I remember the days when I was young. I long for a person who would love and accept me as I am. Who wouldn’t, right? Nothing beats that feeling of acceptance and utmost love. The idea of your love returned are one of the things that sticks to your heart forever. But what about rejection? They say, “charge it to experience”. It’s necessary to get rejected too. Call it karma or whatever. It doesn’t matter. The point is. The greatest lesson I’ve learned for the past few years is this: love yourself. Be content with yourself. Accept what is. Learn new things. Shake things up a little bit, be the best version of you.

It took me years to understand the meaning of these words.  On the surface, I am confident and lively—inside I am very shy and insecure.  I always wanted to fit in. I hated the feeling of rejection. I hated being branded as weird or different. I wanted to be like every one else.  Then I saw things happen over the years. You have friends who go on separate ways. They couldn’t care less how you are. Whatever happened, I have no idea. It pains me once again to learn that this life doesn’t guarantee permanence. In the end, I only have myself to put up with.

The true meaning of love for me now is what is coming from core of being. I can give love if I have so much in me. If I don’t love myself, what will happen to me if I lose virtually everyone right now?

I remember a professor who once asked me: “If you lose everyone and everything, will you still go on? Will you still have a reason to live?”

I didn’t know the answer then. To me, it’s a personal journey. You may have read a lot in books but you learn things best HANDS ON. You will never exactly know how things will be if you haven’t put your feet at the edge of the cliff. Have you tried to dive head on in the mysteries of your existence? It’s scary at first. I’ve a lot to learn. A lot of things are bound to happen.

Am I scared? Yes. I am.

I remember someone’s sig from the forum I’ve been active before: “Life’s a bitch and I’m her pimp.” It’s so funny! It’s interesting though from a 360° perspective, from a soul’s point of view. Thank god for my spiritual exercises and meditation (I don’t and will never take credit for these lessons). After all, we live because we need temperance and discipline. It is said that when we return to the source of it all, to God—there is nothing there but balance. I don’t know if you believe in this, but I do.

Before I ramble again endlessly, I now have a challenge to pose at myself. Whatever life brings and how it unfolds, I will do my best to decide, to act not out of defense but out of love. I will do my best to stay in the moment. No matter how hard it will be, no matter how painful it will get.

You know what, life? Bring it on!

Conversations with my Ovaltine

Published on May 26, 2010 in Conversation with my Drinks, Creative Every Day Challenge and a quest. 2 Comments Tags: , , , .

I feel compelled to challenge myself to push the boundaries. After all, being in a rut for too long is not a funny, funny thing.  I decided to face my inner “rut-ness” and my evil critical self.  Do you have a very critical side that you don’t really show to others? Instead of silencing her, I thought maybe it would be better to talk to her once and for all. This post and effort however, may be a prelude to that. I’ve recently joined Creative Every Day Challenge to challenge my critical subconscious to have fun.  How could I have forgotten how art brings so much peace to my being?  May’s theme is “intuition”. I am not sure if this would ever apply to intuition but I let myself let loose anyway.

Thus, “Conversations with my Drink” Wednesday is or will be born out of this activity.

ovaltinee

A last few drops of my Ovaltine drink.

My constant mind chatter has something to do with filling myself with noise, worry and busyness that are not really necessary.  Writing in your personal offline journal is a huge help. You know how teens cope before right? They write in their journal and treat it as their friend. They fill it with their dreams, hopes, desires and aspiration knowing that this journal will never criticize them no matter what.  But what about for adults?  I really wonder if they still have a journal that they secretly keep with them?  So far, adult life for me has sent immense mixed feelings in my end. After all, I am one person who will always be a kiddo at heart.

I learn that one of the reason of being here is to gather lessons from this lifetime. Life is so unpredictable that the only best way one can do is to be still and stay in the now.

Whoever thought a spill from my Ovaltine drink will blow my mind to write another entry today?

I mean, WOW! I need a lot of work to do. When I mean work to do, it means dealing with things I’ve always tried to repress and escape.

To cope with all that, I now have a journal where I do my scribbles and writings.  It’s a step to releasing my fear of the blank sheet of paper and to assure my inner critic that this is not art school or school. There are no more grades for this activity. Oh and about her (the little over-critical Yvie), I thought KaleidoSoul’s take on dealing with your inner critic is just heaven-sent.

I am grateful that I am a calmer now. Thanks for a caffeine-free Wednesday! I suppose I really can’t deal anymore coffee but I can always go for decaf green tea and chocolate. Who knows what will come after these activities? If I weren’t meditating I would be staring into space worse, paralyzed.

I’d like you, my reader to join me on my quest every Wednesdays. It’s nothing major. At the moment, still your mind and drop some drinks through your journal (or whatever you do with the drink actually—you can actually take liberties to do whatever you like with what you’re drinking as long as it touches your journal paper. There are no other rules except making yourself really drunk through the process. Alcohol-induced high or any substance-induced kind of high is not allowed in this activity. Hahaha! I’m serious.)

I sure like how that spill from my drink turned out now.